Relationships can be rewarding, but also challenging. Most of us are looking for a connection with someone we trust and know that we can rely on to share our lives and deepest longings with. Someone who will have our back when we feel alone and afraid.
“If we love our partners, why do we not just hear each other’s calls for attention and connection and respond with caring? Because much of the time we are not tuned in to our partners. We are distracted or caught up in our own agendas. We do not know how to speak the language of attachment, we do not give clear messages about what we need or how much we care. Often we speak tentatively because we feel ambivalent about our own needs. Or we send out calls for connection tinged with anger and frustration because we do not feel confident and safe in our relationships. We wind up demanding rather than requesting, which often leads to power struggles rather than embraces. Some of us try to minimize our natural longing to be emotionally close and focus instead on actions that give only limited expression to our need. The most common: focusing on sex. Disguised and distorted messages keep us from being exposed in all our naked longing, but they also make it harder for our lovers to respond.” (Dr Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 2008)
By this stage, we have developed a negative pattern of communicating and our Relationship is likely in distress. Couples only experience their relationship as conflicted, they don’t feel connected and don’t know how to talk to each other. They both experience the other as ‘the enemy’.
To change these patterns, we need to tune into our Partner and ourselves better, to understand our deeper emotional experiences, slow them down and explore.
Making sense of why we feel the way we do and how we got there, is the beginning of modifying these behaviors and deepening the connection with our Partner.
Call me now on 0417507670, to discuss further how I can help you achieve sustainable changes for a more satisfying relationship.